Appreciating the future

I spent most of the following months either in hospital or fighting for a hospital bed but in April, just after my twenty eighth birthday I was finished. A PET scan confirmed that the cancer was gone. I should have been shouting from the rooftops but this was the most difficult time of all for me. I had made, and sadly lost, many friends to cancer and met some of the most amazing people of my life, including doctors, nurses and patients families. I felt guilty for surviving when so many of my friends had not and I was terrified of what lay ahead. I had been looked after so well for six months, my freedom taken away and now I had to go back to living in the real world and looking after myself. For my family and friends the ordeal was over but for me there was a lifetime of scans and tests ahead and a constant fear of recurrence. People assume that because the treatment is over you’re cured and that if you’re no longer in hospital that you must feel fine. The reality is that the fatigue can last for months and recovery, both physical and mental takes time. The cumulative effect of all the treatment had left me exhausted and I was only beginning to realise the true extent of what I had just gone through. Ironically at the time I most needed the support most it was being withdrawn from all angles. I was being told to get on with it, I was lucky to be alive, get on with my life. What life? I had given up everything, my independence, my home, my job, my hair! I had to start all over and that was a terrifying prospect.

It was at this time that I contacted LSI. I spoke to a man who had been treated for lymphoma over a decade ago. He still remembered how he had felt when he first went into remission and I was so relieved to hear that he had experienced many of the same feelings and fears that I was having. I have been in remission for eighteen months now and my life is better than ever. I have been back at work for a year and have recently bought an apartment with my sister. There was some difficulty getting a mortgage as I can’t get life assurance but where there’s a will there’s a way. I still worry about the cancer coming back, especially when I have scans coming up but real life has gradually taken over and I think about cancer less and less. I regularly meet up with friends that I met in hospital and through HUG and the support we get from each other is invaluable. Having cancer as a young adult brings up so many issues that affect our lives. We can no longer take the prospect of having children or being able to sign up for a pension for granted. You suddenly have to learn to depend on others which is difficult for young men and women who have taken pride in their independence.

I think it is very important to make doctors aware that, although it is relatively rare, young adults do get seriously ill and must be taken seriously. By writing my story I hope to help raise awareness about lymphomas, particularly in young adults.

I wouldn’t change my experience for the world. It has taught me so much. Before I got sick I was just plodding along with life, now I’m really living and I appreciate every moment.

Becky,

September 2003