How much you tell children will depend on how old they are. Very young children don’t understand illness and need a very simple account as to why their parent or friend has had to go to hospital. Slightly older children will need to be told more. A simple story talking about good cells and bad cells may help.

Every child needs to know what will happen while you are in hospital. Who will look after them, prepare their meals and take them to school? They also need to be reassured that your illness is not their fault. Whether they show it or not, children feel they may some-how be to blame and may feel guilty. Most children over ten years of age can grasp fairly detailed explanations of what is wrong.

Adolescents can understand much more. They may have special needs in learning to cope with the situation. They may be torn between concern for you and trying to become more independent. An open honest approach is usually the best way for all children. You may find that your children rebel or turn quiet. This may be their way of making known their feelings. Even very young children can sense when something is wrong so don’t keep them in the dark. They may think that things are much worse then they are.

There is a booklet available–What do I tell the children? A guide for the parent with cancer. In Ireland, call the Cancer Helpline Freefone 1800 200 700 if you would like a copy.